Return to “normal”.

I returned to work today: one month plus one day from the loss of my son. I found that people were uncomfortable around me ; as was I also, around them. How, someone can just return to their old life, when there is a gaping hole through them…is just not possible. I am an aircraftContinue reading “Return to “normal”.”

We need to talk about mental health

We need to talk about mental health. I, need to talk about mental health. And depression. And suicide. Right now , somebody, somewhere, is struggling. It could be you. It could be me ( well, that’s a given considering….). My point is – people are hurting. And although we may not be able to ”Continue reading “We need to talk about mental health”

I can’t sleep

Grief is a wondrous thing. You make it through one day with little to no tears…. but the next day hits you like a wrecking ball. I’m laying here in bed. My chest is tight. I’m having palpitations, or ” Butterflies” as they are often to referred to, but they feel more like big giantContinue reading “I can’t sleep”


Struggling.I’m living between two worlds….I wish I could say I had one foot in one or the other…but I’m in neither. I’m just here.Losing a child to suicide really turns you upside down, and backwards, and inside out.I have so much support. But ive never felt so alone.I was told that my lifeline on myContinue reading “Struggling”

A Roller Coaster of emotions.

It’ll be three weeks tomorrow. Three weeks ago was your last day alive. I wonder about that day. I like to imagine you walked your dogs and took in all the beauty and smells of the walking trails on your last day. But I don’t know what your day was like. You called me thatContinue reading “A Roller Coaster of emotions.”

For the Love of Sam

My name is Judi. I’m the mother of four beautiful children. On Aug 19, 2021 , I lost my third child to suicide. Sam was 31. As a parent to four children, my biggest fear in life, was to ever lose a child : how could I ever go on and be a good parentContinue reading “For the Love of Sam”