Struggling

Struggling.
I’m living between two worlds….I wish I could say I had one foot in one or the other…but I’m in neither. I’m just here.
Losing a child to suicide really turns you upside down, and backwards, and inside out.
I have so much support. But ive never felt so alone.
I was told that my lifeline on my palm is deep and it’s long. I lay here this morning contemplating that.
I don’t want it to be long.
I know that this emptiness will be with me for what’s left of my life. And I just, can’t imagine living for decades like this. My heart is broken. My spirit is broken. I, am broken.

I have no plans to hurt myself. I just don’t want to hurt anyone. But I feel like I’m hurting enough for the whole world right now.

Published by iamtherealjude

I am a mother of four beautiful grown children. My son Sam: My youngest boy, lost his fight with his demons on Aug 19, 2021. This blog is a dedication to my sweet young man who I will forever look for in the beauty of this world until my last breath.

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