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Time moves on

It’s been 1 year, 1 month and 16 days since Sam left us. I can’t believe how quickly time is flying by. The good in that is that the time moves quicker and I can be with my child again before i know it. The grief hasn’t gotten easier. It’s become softer and I canContinue reading “Time moves on”

Dreams

I dreamt about Sam last night. I hadn’t dreamt about him for a year, well not that I can remember anyway. I don’t often remember my dreams. I once asked him a question back in January on my birthday as I was drifting between sleep and awake, and I heard him answer inside my head….Continue reading “Dreams”

A year came and went.  I couldn’t write.  This is slowly killing me.  I’ve bargained.  I’ve begged.  I’ve cried.  I’ve screamed.  I’ve tried to be a pillar of grieving.  But I can’t breathe.  My heart feels like it is suffocating right now.  I watch the world move on one day at a time.  I don’tContinue reading

One year ago today, we laid you to rest in a beautiful place surrounded by heros: a place so serene and so sacred. I felt you there that day: I know you watched in amazement at how many were there to say goodbye and to support us in our deepest time of sorrow. We hadContinue reading

Control

I recently started buying house plants. Like, literally everytime I go to the store, I go to the plant section. Oftentimes, I buy healthy plants, but when I see a plant that looks like it will just be thrown away, I feel sad for it, so I buy it and bring it home, take offContinue reading “Control”

11 months 11 days

This is the last month of the year Sam was alive in. It’s been a year of firsts : much like the 1st year of his life except as each date passed, they were filled with sadness rather than joy. The milestones have added up – first Thanksgiving; first Christmas; first birthdays; first Easter ;Continue reading “11 months 11 days”

Compassion

Grief can be a nasty thing. I can’t believe the coldness of some people who are grieving. Recently, a mom in a bereavement group that i belong to spoke about her son being incarcerated in prison for life. She misses him and grieves that he has lost his future and his freedom. She misses beingContinue reading “Compassion”

Triggers

I broke down at work today. I was up on a stand, reinstalling an engine driven compressor into the engine of an aircraft, when the song ” Take On Me” by Ah Ha started playing over the speaker that my co- workers were using to make our job a little less tedious. One of themContinue reading “Triggers”

Among his last words to me, were ” I don’t want to do this anymore”. I understand. And I don’t want to either. I’m tired. I’m tired of this world. I’m tired of trying to fit in. Or to be accepted. I’m tired of trying to feel like I matter when I’m just one ofContinue reading

It’s been 10 months since my son decided to leave us. I used to wonder how parents survived the loss of their child. But now I’ve come to realize, that we don’t. I mean, we continue to breathe and function in a living body, but who we once were, died with our child. I don’tContinue reading

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