My mom

I lost my mom a few hours ago. She has been in a nursing home for almost 5 years. When I lost my son 21 months ago, I needed my mom more than ever, but dementia had taken its grip on her and wouldn’t let go.
I was trying to get home when she passed : I was 40000 feet above the earth in a plane headed towards home but I didn’t make it. She took her last breath when I was somewhere over the prairies of Canada.
She is with my son now. There is some peace in that for me. They are together. He has my mom, and she him.
My heart hurts tonight. Not that it hasn’t since Sam left….but tonight there’s an added element to that pain. Grief has not left me and it never will: at least not until my last breath. But tonight, it has me in a vice.
Grief is love. I just have to remind myself of that. Over and over.