Tonight, I read your note. I’m sitting here, on the stair listening to the rain and trying to catch my breath.
I told you I would try to stop crying so that you could be at peace. But it’s not that easy Sam. It’s never going to be easy. I dread every morning as the sun comes up, because when I sleep, I can forget.
IF I can sleep that is.
But every morning as the sky begins to get brighter, just reminds me, that another day is about to begin without you here.
I don’t know how to be a mom to 3…. when I am a mom of four.
I don’t know how to exist when I’m walking between two worlds. I feel like I’m in pergatory.
The Ativan is kicking in. I hate it when I have to take it, because I don’t dream. And I’m so afraid that I’ll miss a dream where I can see you. And talk to you. But tonight, I read your note. So, an Ativan night it must be.
I wish this wasn’t so hard. But, this is the price of love. I only wish, that love could have saved you. If it could have, you would have lived forever.
I love you Sam. And I’m so proud of who you were on this side. I’m proud of you no matter where you are.