The past 6 weeks have gone by in a blur. I returned to work nearly two weeks ago, and although my days there are short ( 2 hours per day) it helps to get out of the house.
The grief never goes away. Sometimes, for a moment I can find a place in my mind where I can begin to adapt to this new ” normal”…how I hate that word, but inevitably, the grief and shock come crashing back to me.
Today we went out for a drive in the country and found a pathway that took us along a field of cows. As we stopped to look over the fence so I could call out to them, a dragonfly landed on me ; just inches from the dragonfly necklace that I wear which contains a small amount of Sam’s ashes. On the night of his funeral, after I scattered a small packet of his ashes, a dragonfly started to dance and swoop and flutter in the twilight air, just above the cat tails and wildflowers where I spread his ashes. It was an incredible sight. My Playlist randomly played the song ” My Sacrifice” by Creed – the words of which could not have been more fitting, and as the music finished, the dragonfly flew away. There was no doubt in my mind, or anyone else’s that evening, that Sam had joined us, and, there is no doubt, that today, as I stood amongst the tall grasses adjacent to the field of cows, that Sam joined me, and stood looking out over the fields with me.
I felt at one with my son. For those fleeting moments, I felt him here with me.