Darkness setting in

It was two months ago today. The time has passed in the blink of an eye even though the days seem so long. It all still defies explanation: It makes no sense. Most days it feels like I am getting through this. But then something snaps and I’m off again on on a carousel ofContinue reading “Darkness setting in”

This is a hard day.

8 weeks today. I had to run to the store to buy batteries for my fireplace remote. And the song Rocketman started playing over the PA system. Sam used to play the guitar sometimes when we would talk on the phone. He played that song often and we would sing together. The song really meantContinue reading “This is a hard day.”

Stop, go, stop

That’s how my grief feels. One minute I’m fine; then I’m not ; then I am ; then I’m not. It’s endless. Tonight I’m not fine. People die every day. It’s the hardest part of life and love. It’s the cycle of our existence. At some point we all grieve the loss of love. ButContinue reading “Stop, go, stop”

A cup of tea and a card game

It’s been 7 weeks and 4 days since he left us. My son loved Thanksgiving and this one was going to be hard.  Initially,  I wanted to opt out but my spouse Randy seemed to really want to enjoy a turkey dinner and his family had invited us so I woke up this morning andContinue reading “A cup of tea and a card game”

Canadian Thanksgiving

It’s “Thanksgiving”. I guess the appropriate thing to say, would be ” Happy” and ” Thanksgiving”. But, I feel no happiness in my heart or my soul right now, so it’s a hard word to use- for me anyway. I am thankful though…I’m thankful every day for my family and my friends; for my pets;Continue reading “Canadian Thanksgiving”

For the Love of Sam

My name is Judi. I’m the mother of four beautiful children. On Aug 19, 2021 , I lost my third child to suicide. Sam was 31. As a parent to four children, my biggest fear in life, was to ever lose a child : how could I ever go on and be a good parentContinue reading “For the Love of Sam”