Where is heaven exactly?
Is it a state of mind? Is it a place?
Where does our consciousness go when it leaves our body?
Before I lost Sam, I always believed that heaven is just another dimension that it is as close as the next room. I am not religious, but that is an argument that I keep to myself. I believe that we are all created, and therefor, there is a creator. Some call him God. Others call him by other names. But he is all, the same creator.
I often feel my son’s presence. I have long given up trying to explain things as mere coincidence: I know that Sam is around me.
Recently, Cait, his former girlfriend let me listen to part of a recording of a reading with a Medium she had after my son died. He came in loud and strong, but only after stepping to one side first to let another friend of hers who had passed have her visit with Cait. Sam was always considerate in life. I wouldn’t expect any less of him on the other side.
The first thing he did, was apologize. He said he was so sorry for what he had done and the pain he had caused. The medium said he wouldn’t show her his cause of death, other than difficulty breathing. Throughout the reading, Cait never told the medium that he had died by suicide. He spoke of a few other things, and then the Medium suddenly asked Cait if she was still in touch with Sam’s mom. Before she could reply, through the Medium, he said ” tell my mom I love her”. He said to tell me that it was not my fault; it was his own and there was nothing I could have done to stop him. He said, to please, tell her ( me) to stop the ” would haves, and the should haves”, and that he was so sorry.
She told Cait that Sam showed her a picture of him with his arm around Cait in a frame, and that it was on a mantle. Cait told her that she thought I had that picture, which I do. It isn’t on a mantle, but on my piano. She also showed her a table that was set up, with some of Sam’s things on it: like a memorial. Cait didn’t understand, but later I showed her the little table I have here, with some of Sam’s things. It’s a little makeshift memorial that I set up. I live 5000 kms away from Cait, but the medium, was seeing things at my house that Sam was showing her.
The rest of the reading was pretty amazing but was about Cait, and her children that Sam loved as is own.
I listened to that recording for many nights. ” Tell my mom I love her”. That brought me so much comfort.
I reached out to the medium, to ask if she could do readings over video. Which she does. So I set up my own reading.
I had it a week ago. I looked so eagerly towards it. And he didn’t let me down.
The Medium, whose name is Sheila, is a Psychic healer, Medium, and a Minister. She started off our meeting with an energy healing, and when she finished , she told me that she felt so much pain and grief from a very recent loss. I hadn’t told her anything about me or why I had reached out to her.
As she started her reading, Sam came through. Again, she told me that she could feel difficulty breathing. She kept grabbing at her chest saying she felt a real struggle to breathe. I did explain to her that his death was by suicide at that point. This made her sad. But she described Sam, and was pretty key on with his personality. Again, he apologized over and over and told me how much he loves me. He also told her to tell me how proud he was of me ( and she brought up ” something like a tribunal” that he mentioned I was going to be speaking at.) He mentioned ” falling through the cracks “, ( something I have been planning on talking about at the Board of Inquiry in two weeks).
Sheila told me how much he appreciated the funeral we had for him, and she asked if it was a military funeral ( it was). She said Sam showed her me being presented with the flag, and his beret. She also said that I have his hat ( at which point I showed her his baseball hat that I had been holding below the view of the video camera). She described his funeral as if she was watching it on a movie.
She asked if Sam was living with me when he passed: because he was showing her things of his at my house. He wasn’t, but there was the table: the memorial I had set up here with his things that she had seen in Caits reading. She said that he hears me when I sit in front of it and talk to him. How could she have known that I sit and talk to the pictures on this table? We talked about so many things. But near the end of the call, she asked if we had a family dog that had crossed over because Sam had a beige colored dog with him. The night before my reading, when I was asking Sam to please come through the next day, I asked him to bring our old dog Reggie with him. Reggie was our 17 year old Corgi cross that we had lost 9 years ago. He was beige.
My reading with Sheila was truly amazing. I know that there are many skeptics, but I feel that this was a genuine communication with my son. And I feel very fortunate to have been blessed with it.
A week later I was talking to my oldest son. I was telling him about the reading. I forwarded him the recording and about an hour later I noticed the recording was sitting in” draft” of my outlook so I hit send again. He had already received it so I was confused as to why it had been sitting in draft. When I hit send. It went to Sheila. The following morning, Sheila emailed me, saying that it was strange, because for some unknown reason, she had been thinking about Sam and I the night prior and awoke the following morning, to the recording she had sent me a week before sitting in her inbox. She said she had never felt such a strong pull from the other side as she had felt from my son. We have decided to meet, even just to have coffee when I fly to Ontario for the Board of Inquiry in two weeks.
I am keeping an open mind. If I don’t, I feel that I won’t get through this. My mind has undergone such trauma in these few short weeks : the loss of my son is unsurmountable in so many ways. But I know in my heart without a doubt, that my sweet Sammy is still here with me.