I read an article about Sinead O’Connor this morning. It stated how she said that she would never sing again after losing her son to suicide a few months ago. Of course, there was “that” stupid comment made by one reader stating how she always made rash decisions and comments in “emotional” moments.
“Emotional moments”. Let me contemplate that for a second.
All I can come back with is that I’m happy for whoever made that comment, that they just don’t know. I don’t even have the strength anymore to be mad about what others say.
I don’t have the luxury to stop doing what I do in order to afford living. I could, I suppose, live on the streets. I’m in Hawaii at the moment and I see so many living homeless on the beaches. In tents. I could do that. But the reality is that I do like my bed, my shower, and the comfort of my roof in a storm. And work is a distraction most of the time.
Sinead O’Connor was born with a beautiful gift, but I truly understand her decision. When we lose a child this way, the grief re-wires our brains. Nothing brings us joy, excitement, happiness, not even content. The things that once meant a lot to us no longer do. It’s as if we are living in a state of suspended animation, or purgatory. We can’t go back to save our child….yet we feel like we can’t go forward either. We are literally stuck.
I’m here on Oahu on a much needed break ( as others have said to me), but I don’t feel any of the excitement I should be feeling. Not even when I climbed down into a cage 3 miles off shore yesterday to swim with sharks. There were many sharks down there, and just off the starboard bow of the boat: two humpback whales breeching dangerously close to the boat. But I couldn’t feel excitement….as much as I wanted to. I did feel sea sick though: so much so that I vomited both in and out of the boat several times. But that’s another story.
Sending love and compassion to Sinead O’Conner today. Although we have been on different life paths; have different views on politics and religion – I share a journey with her now. And it’s a journey that unless you are on …. you won’t understand it. And I pray for you, that you never have to.