This is my dog Abram. Or, Abe for short.

Abe grounds me. He found me 5 years ago, and saw me through what I thought was the biggest crisis of my life ( at that time). Abe kept me alive in return for a roof over his head, a full belly, lots of walks, and love. Lots of love. Dogs give us so much and expect so little in return.

He was a ” lost” dog : found wandering with a thick chain around his neck, dragging a couple feet of the same behind him. Animal Control had to use bolt cutters to take it off. No one ever claimed him.

I foster failed, after I took in this bedraggled, crazy, terrified, hungry brute of fur and kisses. I nursed him back to health and some semblance of normalcy ( he is still crazy); while he in turn, saved my life.

There are moments in this pit of grief where I find myself, longing to cross to the other side. But there is Abe….looking up at me with the most innocent look in his eyes ( as he trashes the room since he is like a bull in a China shop), pleading with me to stay. Who would take care of him if I was gone? So Abe, once again, has the burden of keeping me alive for my loved ones. They alone are more than enough reason to stay. But at times, the grief is so intense; the world so dark; and the black hole so deep, that it is not hard to lose sight of what is right, and what is so, so wrong.

Sam had a deep love for animals. Buddy and Theo were his pride and joy. He would stop at Dairy Queen on his way home from work, to buy his boys ice cream as a treat. Buddy, a Terrier mix, is nearly 19. He had spent all but the first 11 weeks of his life as Sam’s best friend. Theo, is a 3 year old Australian shepard mix. He had some reactivity issues and that was a little isolating for Sam and his dogs. But they were ” The Three Amigos”. I never thought I would see the day that my son would leave those two dogs behind. Depression knows no boundaries though. The last words of the note he left asked us to take care of his boys.

On a different note, I’ve decided to make kindness and paying it forward Sam’s legacy. I’ve had cards printed, and I will start, with an act of kindness with his card attached, asking that the kindness and his card, be carried forward. I think I will also look into either a bursary or maybe purchase a guitar or other musical instrument once a year on Sam’s birthday, and gift it to an underprivileged youth who has an interest in music. I know that Sam found so much comfort in his music and his guitar. The donations I make to animal charity’s, are now always, in memory of Sam.

It’s dark and dreary today. There is a storm warning as I lay here in bed looking at the sky, listening to the rain through my window. I have to be at work in 3 hours and I welcome the rain. It’s the sunny and bright days that I find the hardest.

Gonna go hang with my doggo now for a bit.

Published by iamtherealjude

I am a mother of four beautiful grown children. My son Sam: My youngest boy, lost his fight with his demons on Aug 19, 2021. This blog is a dedication to my sweet young man who I will forever look for in the beauty of this world until my last breath.

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