RIP Buddy

Yesterday I had to set my sweet 19 year old dog free from this world. I prayed that he would pass peacefully and pain free but through the night I could see that he was struggling and in pain so when the vet opened at 0800, I called and within 30 minutes I took him there and they helped him to cross the veil painlessly and peacefully while he was wrapped in my arms. I’m gutted.
I was starting to think I had gone numb after losing my son 16 months ago. Oh don’t get me wrong : I am still deeply grieving him and I will until my final moment on this earth, but I didn’t think anything could come close to the grief I feel with his loss.
Buddy was his dog. We got him when Sam was a young teen and he was always Sam’s boy. When Sam moved out Buddy went with him. So I guess, I just lost another facet of Sam.

The last 6 years of Sam’s life, whenever I would visit, I would think that it would be the last visit with Buddy as he was getting so old and had slowed right down. Never in my wildest nightmares did I think that Buddy would outlive Sam.
In his note to us that morning that Sam took his life, he asked that we please take care of his boys. He also had a younger dog named Theo who is now living his best dog life with one of Sam’s friends. I took Buddy.

I did my best to give Buddy the best life that I could which included having a canine massage therapist visit twice a month for a doggie massage.
Buddy’s passing yesterday has gutted me.

His beautiful little soul is gone and has left a huge void. I had hoped that last night Spirit would allow me a glimpse into heaven through my dreams: to see Sam with Buddy restored to the young pup he was and the two of them running through a field together. I just know that Sam was there to meet him when he crossed. But, I didn’t dream, or at least, if I did, I don’t remember.

I’ve had visitation twice from my sweet Sam since he left us. I sure do hope he visits again. With his little Buddy in tow.

My heart is so broken right now.

I miss my son, and I miss his little side kick Buddy.