The many faces of grief

When we lose someone to death, grief is obvious. But grief can manifest itself through other channels of loss.

Grief can affect someone after the breakup of a relationship; or not getting a job promotion that was expected and hoped for; or the loss of health or a physical injury that keeps you from being able to live your life as you had before. Basically any loss, can bring on grief, and/ or depression.

But grief is natural and it’s normal. And in most situations, we can move through it, heal through it and come out the other side of it more experienced in this journey called life. It can also compound itself and lead to depression if it goes unchecked. Depression of course leads to a myriad of medical, mental and physical issues and this is where we need help to get through, and in the worst cases, survive it.

My partner is experiencing alienation from his children. His ex-wife destroyed the relationship he had with them in classic narcissistic injury style. She used manipulation, lies and cruelty to take away the most important people in his life. She doesn’t care about the damage done mentally to them: it’s about destroying the man who finally saw through her and chose to leave. It is taking its toll on him. And its taking its toll on us.

Although his grief is not the same as mine because his children are alive and there is always the hope that he will see them again one day, his grief nonetheless is deep and it is profound. It has been life-changing for him and my heart hurts seeing the depression he is in over this incredible loss. He has written them many a letter from his heart ; but they are always ignored.

His children are both adults now, but the alienation that his ex-wife created, has been far-reaching. He feels that he may as well be dead to them. Sometimes I worry that the stress will inevitably end his life.

So here we both sit; three nights before Christmas Eve watching Rudolf the Red Nosed Reindeer; in front of a lit Christmas Tree that just doesn’t sparkle for either of us.

Grief has visited this house for far too long now. Although I will grieve for my son until my last breath, I do wish that we could actually find joy in the season. I wish this house wasn’t filled with so much loss.