Triggers

I broke down at work today. I was up on a stand, reinstalling an engine driven compressor into the engine of an aircraft, when the song ” Take On Me” by Ah Ha started playing over the speaker that my co- workers were using to make our job a little less tedious. One of them saw the new Top Gun movie a few days ago and so he is hung up on listening to the sound track of the original and any other 80’s music on his playlist. It does create a nice working environment when we are all singing along to the music. I was enjoying myself and turning wrenches and feeling productive.

But then that song began to play. I stopped what I was doing, turned around and said ” please turn that song off. Please. Right now”. They were so good about it. They didn’t question me, they just turned it off and played the next song.

I tried to go back to what I was doing, but it was too late as I had reached that point where the tears were starting and as hard as I tried to hold them back, I couldn’t.

I climbed down off the stand, and I walked to the bathroom and tried to stifle the sound of my sobs. I tried to hold my breath to let it pass. The lump in my throat made it feel like I was having a heart attack. To be honest, at that moment I’d have been fine with a heart attack if I was having one. But the pain I felt, was only grief. A grief which is apparent, is not going to go anywhere anytime soon.

Why that song?

Shortly after Sam died, somebody told me to go to Sam’s Instagram. The day before he died, he video’d himself playing that song on his guitar and singing it.

Take on me;

Take me on;

I’ll be gone,

In a day or two….

He was gone in a day.

And now I can’t stop hearing those words.

Published by iamtherealjude

I am a mother of four beautiful grown children. My son Sam: My youngest boy, lost his fight with his demons on Aug 19, 2021. This blog is a dedication to my sweet young man who I will forever look for in the beauty of this world until my last breath.

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