It’s been 8 months and 4 days since I lost my son. The gaping hole in my heart that was left behind will never heal. But, I do have moments of lucidity from my grief : moments that aren’t filled with an all consuming sense of doom and sadness.
I never thought I would get this far into this grief journey: I honestly thought I would die of my broken heart. And I still don’t know if I will survive this: God knows I don’t want to. But I feel blessed to have been given the 31 years of being Sam’s mom : nobody else was bestowed that honour and I feel lucky to have been picked to bring him into this world and share in his life story.
His story is over : at least his story amongst the earthbound anyway. I have no doubt that his life went on in the next world, where he will greet myself, his father, his siblings and his dear friends when it’s our turn to join him: one day we will all be together with Sam. But in the meantime my story continues as it has to because my lesson here isnt finished yet. I have more that I’m supposed to do.
I have grown so much in my spirituality from his death. I have learned even more compassion and empathy and I know that this is all a part of my journey. It is the most painful lesson I’ve ever had to learn. But I know our separation is only temporary and that he has just gone on ahead where he waits and helps me from the other side.
I do things to honour him here: to keep his name alive. And although I would so much rather have him here than just his name…it brings me happiness knowing that his name lives on in the happiness of those who I help in his memory.
We will all see our loved ones again one day: of that I’m sure. Until then, talk to them because they hear us. And they see us. Their love never died: they never died. They are very much alive and they wait for us just on the other side.