It’s been a strange few days. I think I already wrote about dreaming about Sam’s friend and reaching out to him after having an unsettling dream about his mental state. But, there have been some things today that made me sit up and take notice. Maybe they are mere coincidence, but maybe there is more to them.
A couple of days ago, as I was driving to work at the too early hour of 3am, I talked to Sam as I do on most of my solo early morning car rides. I told him I wanted a specific sign from him. For whatever reason, I chose a sunflower and i told him I wanted to start seeing sunflowers: that would be his sign to me.
Today, I drove to the next town over to visit my friend to help celebrate her son’s birthday. When I got there, she asked if I wanted a cup of tea. I said sure. And she pulled out a teacup with a beautiful sunflower on it. Now, that is just one instance but I’m going to be looking now for more.
I got home tonight and started watching a movie on Netflix. A lamp that sits on the table that I have several photos of Sam on suddenly started to flicker. No other lights were flickering: it was just the one. When I looked over at it, the flickering intensified and seemed to change between orange and white light. I smiled and said ” hello Sam”, and it stopped. I turned back to the movie and settled into watching it. Near the end, there was a scene that showed a suicide, and right as it was about to happen, the light flickered again, very intensely which made me look away from the TV and over to the light. For obvious reasons, scenes or discussions that center around suicide have an impact on me, so I was grateful for the distraction.
There’s been other little odditys happening that don’t have explanations: I was sitting in the cockpit of one of our planes at work the other morning while we were fuelling it. Someone has to watch the fuel gages from inside the plane so because I was tired and it meant I could sit in where it was warm, I opted to do it. One of the computers on the instrument panel started suddenly flashing on and off and on and off as I was sitting in the co-pilot seat. There was no one else on the airplane but me.
I know that there could be so many explanations for these events, and the so many other events that I feel are signs from my son, but I feel that I don’t need any other explanation. At my darkest moments, I feel Sam with me. And he shows me that he is here. And it helps. So I’m going to bed tonight in a much better state of mind than I was in this morning.