Inside my head

Inside my head, I used to go
To escape calamity, noise, and chatter.
Where I could quietly shut out the world,
And all that didn’t matter.

It was in those days that the little things meant, way too much to me.
The problems that felt insurmountable,
Were more simple than they seemed to be.

The quiet places of my daydream land
Were the caverns of my mind;
Where my world was safe from worry and fret
Where life was sweet and kind.

But all those things I’d leave behind
Mean nothing to me now.
For I’ve learned about perspective
And about the things that really count.

My mind is now a place I go
Only reluctantly
For the darkness casts black shadows there
And echos resound endlessly.

The more time I spend inside my head,
The harder it is to go.
It’s become a place of deep regret,
Of sadness, guilt and blows. 

My words and thoughts bury me
As I delve into my mind
It’s a carousel of demons I wish I could leave behind.

Am i going mad?

I’m tired. The ” I’m doing ok” mask that I wear is heavy. I wake up sad. I go to sleep sad. My son haunts my thoughts. And that’s my doing because I can’t let go. I don’t want to let go. So I won’t.

I need to find a way to leave this pergatory. I often feel that the only way out is death. But that is not fair to those who still need me. But….. I still needed Sam

😦

Published by iamtherealjude

I am a mother of four beautiful grown children. My son Sam: My youngest boy, lost his fight with his demons on Aug 19, 2021. This blog is a dedication to my sweet young man who I will forever look for in the beauty of this world until my last breath.

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