I just read the obituary of another soldier. He died by suicide. The obituary doesn’t state that anywhere, but I recognize the language. And sadly, I was also already in the” know”. He died a few days ago.

How many more does there have to be before something is done to stop this?

Christmas is coming and the holiday season is hard on so many. PTSD, OSI’s, loneliness, depression. Our military bleeds soldiers now, and throughout the year. The suicide rate just climbs. Did you know the the suicide number of soldiers who returned with OSI’s and PTSD from Afghanistan surpassed the number of soldiers who were killed in that barren, dead place a few years ago? And the numbers continue to rise.

My heart always hurt when I would hear of the news of another one of my brothers dying by their own hand. But with Sam, my heart was irreparably shattered and I don’t think it even knows how to feel anymore.

Randy and I took the dogs out to walk in the snow earlier. It ( snow) is a rarity where we live. It actually put me in a festive mood, and I planned on coming home to put up the tree and bake some shortbread. But it hit me a few minutes ago that I always have a hard time hooking up the lights on this pre-lit tree. Sam used to help me with that and he always figured it out. I just don’t know if I can put it up now.

The holiday season is taking its toll. I can’t help but to wonder ” who next”? Some days, I wonder if even I will make it through.

Published by iamtherealjude

I am a mother of four beautiful grown children. My son Sam: My youngest boy, lost his fight with his demons on Aug 19, 2021. This blog is a dedication to my sweet young man who I will forever look for in the beauty of this world until my last breath.

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